Lost Boy

*

I unfold his tight blanket wrap revealing tiny toes, small fingers with soft nail,

Eyes stare up at me, eyes of trust and wonder.

Steps one and two, first tooth nips my finger,

those days I wish, I wish would linger.

His floppy hair of gold, skin as fare as powdered snow,

eyes of piercing blue.

Beautiful does not near the word of his beauty,

a stumbling toddler yet a mighty King I see.

Unworthy I feel of his birth.

Years pass at quickened pace as slow we try those years to make.

With growth his shape it changes, cuddles decrease,

like a changing wind, my heart it stops as they completely cease.

Years of fifteen pass since the moment I wrapped him in my arms,

protection to my death, as death I would gladly welcome to guard my boy from harm.

*

His silence now, that glance of hate I no longer feel his warmth.

Yet life – the greatest teacher, we both will learn acceptance,

my boy will return to me, my arms are open, whenever that time may be.

Author – R Gray

Reasons to Lie

How often do you lie each day,

how often is the truth in every word you say.

To protect another’s feelings or illuminate a tale,

many days we try our best but sometimes we will fail. 

Think of that as I tell this fable,

try to understand the guilt – as close as you are able.

Now a little lie is white, and bigger known as dark,

but some are black as black can be,

no light of any brightness will be enough to see.

These are lies from early life that force a lot to flee.

As society creates the myth that all are born the same,

our futures mapped ahead – our riches there to claim.

As expected we get married, children born and raise,

fill our life with their beauty, cherish every phase.

But every day that blackened lie gets bigger in your mind,

and every day its fought away.

As a fragile ship on a heavy sea the waves will break you down,

you think that you are coping but you wear a heavy frown.

The question asked, the same reply – “I am fine of course my dear”

but the probing truth, its tighter grip fills your mind with fear.

As sleep is taken from you every single night,

and you work as hard as possible, try your best to make things right.

That battered ship is caving in, the sails are torn, its run aground,

but just before its sinking death, that love,

the one you thought would never be is well and truly found.

In his strong and tight embrace he takes away the harm,

 I lay upon his breast so comfortable and warm.

Call this love unnatural and many will agree,

but with open eyes and open heart,

a truer love upon this earth, you will never see.

Author – R Gray

 

 

 

One Year on

Its twelve months since my friend first showed me the WordPress site and helped set my account.
A year of many changes, if you do read my back catalogue of poems and story’s you may pick up on some different moods and changing times. This isn’t to say the years been a dark or bad one, on the contrary the year has been amazing, I have encountered people, places and situations I never dreamed of.

My working life began when I joined the Royal Navy in 1984, as a Navy diver I travelled the world  including a lengthy spell in Hong Kong but never really opened my eyes to all around, the people, the world, the culture. I suppose that’s a young thing, but disappointing never the less, although I did have a great time!

I’ve set a lot of things in motion to get to the place I have always dreamt to be, this following three years will develop to a new beginning, a beginning that will fruit to a life at slower pace, simple living, writing, music, home-grown produce and of course chickens for nice fresh eggs.

The countryside is where I’m destine.

Well happy new year to everyone, I hope alls well in your world. xx

“The End” Is also the beginning.

My head is down.

We chat with idle minds, of hope and new beginning.

Yet an end must first be done.

We speak words to fill gaps, coffee hot on our tired laps.

An end I say, a painful end. Your words ease me

your words help me see – help me see what you see.

“An end is but a change, a deflection in our journey

the beginning of a new – a new you.”

As a coral sponge absorbing a sea of knowledge I sit,

reflecting upon this profound statement, yet sense it makes,

from my own made darkness, my mind it takes.

As an end is due a beginning is anew.

“From a crystallized grub too flights beauty you say,

things will change, its natures way,

but change will sometimes hurt.”

*

Author – R Gray

A Kiss

A Kiss

*

I long, I’ve lived this moment in my mind.

Eyes fix to thy wanted, scent draws through me.

In this trance like state I melt to you, I die for you.

Nothing can waver this spell, passion destroys my control.

Hands of electric pulse lock together in light dancing harmony,

Tummy’s touch as close we press, no space between, distance put to bed.

Lingering stare holds me, suspends me in tiny time, our time.

Closer the lip moves to mine, tremble my body does, anticipation of you.

I take in your outward breath, sweet and moist it taste’s on my tongue.

As lips first touch, texture of velvet brushes mine.

I move over each lip, memorizing as if never to feel them again.

The press hardens to separate, turns to encapsulate,

Firm now is the press as my tongue sets free to dance a moist dark dance with yours.

Heart beats now many more times than before, mine punching my chest like a boxers fist. 

Hands draw each other towards the target of liquid state,

Our body’s to absorb one another, becoming one where we stand.

As one from that moment we are.

Author – R Gray

Humble Straw

Humble Straw

***

Humble straw – waste to some, line the horses stable,

a comfy mouse’s bed, dead of winters cattle fed.

But so much more when bound and tight,

When baled, pinned and stacked to height.

Form the walls around the frame, cut to shape an eve,

A soft window seat to read and snooze, allow my mind in dreams to loose.

Earthy shades and scented air, drifts me deep in restful sleep,

Upon my comfy window seat.

I dream of bright and fertile land to fill my eye’s horizon,

I dream a dancing trickling stream, I dream of fields of vibrant green.

Book from hand it drops and wakes, eyes a hazy slumber,

They clear to view from window seat, they see what I behold,

They see surrounding vibrant green, they see that dancing trickling stream,

They see my life’s love strolling by with wood to fill the fire,

This house of straw has given me my longing life’s desire.

Author R Gray

God Works In Mysterious Ways.

God Works in Mysterious Ways.

**

I lay exhausted, I lay divine.

I lay upon a bed, his arm stretched across me,

Mind casts to days behind.

My wife I love, my new-born son

They are my life, my rising sun; I live this lie for them.

 

With every year of life’s pulse the urge strengthens

Resistance wains,

My world becomes but a bain,

I’m pulled to that deep  dark place called myself.

 

Sunless days of winter, my strength drains like blood from vain,

The church I seek my solace, my sins will repent.

The thought of the mind to the devil sent.

** 

I delay the day, unable to evoke the words to say,

Allow the truth to fall from these lying lips of fear.

But soon my feet must press hard upon those stone steps

Enter the house of god

Renounce myself both loud and clear.

 

He awaits me, fresh with a smile of welcome,

At ease I feel, his presence warms me.

I breathe the musk scented air of aged wooden pews,

Of embroidered drapes with faded colour. The smell of church.

**

He sees a troubled mind without word,

Without the need of speech he reads me,

Absorbs himself to me, I’ve longed this moment.

Yet am I walking from fire into fire.

 

His youth – 10 years mine I guess,

Can his answers fulfil my questions, his knowledge help quench my desire,

The desire which draws me to man.

 

As a wasp hive my mind swarms, it fights twix just and unjust,

I must allow this secret the air it needs to free,

Free to enter another’s world.

If trust is my need, then this is my chosen arena,

I must force myself to reveal my hidden seed,

Enable its growth to a strong fruitful tree, which love be the harvest.

More love than I could ever know.

** 

As words flow from my numb lips,

Reddened face shows the many years unsaid.

His expression changes little or none

Yet a smile meets me as I raise my eyes to his,

Smile of acceptance, not as expected, the one of vile.

 

Words passed between as time passes,

With these words I learn of myself, my own me,

A me portrayed by this man, a me I could never see.

 

His words lift me from my pit of guilt,

A hand reaches to my shoulder, a touch of warmth,

Drains me of my heavy burden.

** 

This picture perfect life now runs as if left in a rain storm,

Dripping ink on the floor.

Creating then destroying with words,” I Do”  then ” I Can’t”.

 

He now stands behind, soft words massage my mind,

Strong hands massage my shoulders.

“Loneliness as we stand among loved ones may be the loneliest, loneliness.

If lonely of our true selves then never can we fulfil.”

 

Hand reaches to my chest,

I take it as I would hold no others hand,

Press hard to my beating heart, he feeds my hunger.

**

We now lay aside, dawn glows through a heavy curtain,

Cloths and collar lay cast on a tidy floor.

My secret now well and truly divulged.

**

Author – Richard Gray 

OAK

Oak

Haunting Oak

Branched limbs fire from its cold heart.

Taunting Oak

Draw me to darkness, hearts beat in time.

Many eyes seek my weakness

Chess mind it plays,

Explores my meekness.

Crickle crackle broken skin

Fingernail spiked with its bite

As tear and claw I try

Expose its vulnerability

Flesh juicy and fresh – it bleeds like I.

Don’t mock I cry.

As if without ears – only budding ears of growth

It mocks without remorse.

Strength from a deep clumsy root of gripping brace

Nothing in my furies

Nothing will shake this fortressed base.

Surrender – I curl beneath.

Let chilling darkness absorb my blood.

Flesh picked clean from bone – bone to dust.

Feed this mighty trees root.

As many before.

Author – Richard Gray

Technology – Dream on

***

Technology – Dream on

***

My dust-covered feet as dust covered the feet of Neanderthal hunting man.

The same sun burns my face as beat upon this rounded back.

Timeless wind breaks the leaves from aged trees, covers my path as they did his.  

Rain soaks my tailored cloth, the same rain cast from the surface of his animal skin wrap.

Under branch and leaf he’d seek shelter – cave to dwell,

I seek the same sanctuary under stripped canvas sheet extended from café wall,

My dwelling still a cave, manmade – not carvings of a long cold ice age.

* 

Protection, survival and comfort I seek as he, his pressure much greater than mine.

I lose – I lose my house, his loss is his life.

His weapon a sharpened spear – mine a sharpened pencil.

* 

Time has moved us to a different place but time is small, insignificant and shorter than thought.

Are we advanced from Neanderthal man, we fear death as he,

We hide ourselves in vodka & cocaine; he hid himself in natural herb.

His high a tiger kill, our’s – a money deal.

* 

Surroundings may be, but different – I think not!

Technology does not advance the human craving – we are a creature of habit.

***

Author Richard Gray

Ripples

*

RIPPLES

*

Life is a puddle in which we place our foot.

Some gentle – creating nil but a shimmer,

Some stamp from hight – tell the world of their arrival.

**

The shimmer lingers longer allowing time to love,

The high wave breaks through us without time to know.

Yet when shimmer collides and joins the high wave, they both calm and excite one another,

Giving time to the high wave, as to the shimmer – giving  purpose.

**

No mind is without doubt, nether shimmer nor wave – yet shimmer has more thought.

No battle won by thought alone – high wave giveth strength.

**

The high wave as the gentle shimmer have both a place in this world.

*

Author – Richard Gray